The number one problem I have experienced with couples in conflict isn’t sex, money or power. It’s communication. The number one complaint about communication is that “when I speak to you, you’re not listening.” What are the ideal conditions under which one can deeply listen to and really hear his/her spouse, partner, child, friend, boss, co-worker or any other person?
Set aside enough time – don’t listen when you are in a rush
Set an intention to listen deeply
Be curious
Remove all distractions (e.g. turn off cell phones and the TV)
Make sure you are physically comfortable
Make sure you are in a physiologic state in which you can listen, which means don’t set up a conversation when you’re anxious, tired, hungry or in pain)
Summon the courage to handle whatever is said, even if it hurts to hear it.
Dispense with judgments, assumptions, predictions, agendas, and the need to fix.
Maintain good eye contact
