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In 1842 Senator Henry Clay coined the term “self-made man” to refer to people who improved themselves and their material circumstances by means of education and hard work. To be self-made meant nobody handed you your success on a silver platter. It meant you deserved it by virtue of your own blood, sweat, and tears.… Continue reading Is George Santos an Outlier or a Harbinger of What it is to be Self-Made in our Society?

In the wonderful sci fi TV show Stark Trek, Star Fleet had a prime directive (PD) binding on Cpt. Kirk, his crew, and everyone else. In the show the PD was never interfere with the natural development of an alien civilization, something Kirk was tempted to do time after time. As a therapist I have discovered… Continue reading Discerning and Dealing with Your Prime Directive

Meaningful social communication between trusted family members, friends, and colleagues involves honest, open emotional sharing. Just as primates bond by physical touch, humans bond by touching each other emotionally. If we were to view emotional sharing on a continuum, one extreme would be locked-in syndrome in which a person is conscious but cannot speak, and… Continue reading Finding the Sweet Spot in Emotional Communication

I have been exposed to New Age coaches who preach that listing at least 5 things you are grateful for at a regular time every day will make you a happier, kinder, and more optimistic person. I have tried gratitude lists and each time I found that before the first week was up I was… Continue reading A Personal Take on the Value of Real Gratitude from a Psychotherapist

Neuroplasticity refers to the ability of the brain to grow new brain cells (neurons) and new cells that support the health of neurons (glia) throughout life. The more neuroplastic the brain the more the can can learn and adapt to life’s ever-changing circumstances. Factors such as advanced age, head injury, and excessive alcohol consumption reduce… Continue reading Neuroplasticity, Stress, and Treatment Resistant Depression

In therapeutic practice one sees adults who perceive themselves as not mattering, being dismissed, and even being invisible. This is a terrible thing to feel and not surprisingly it leads to chronic depression. When and how does this self-perception arise? I have seen two different childhood paths to the same place. In one the child… Continue reading Learn to Stop Feeling Invisible

Hard working professionals of all kinds face the risk of stress overload, exhaustion, and burnout. How do they care for themselves to reduce that risk and build resilience. In many cases they buy a yoga class, a massage, a spa package, a cruise or something like that on a random, infrequent basis. Feeling relief for… Continue reading You Can’t Buy Self-Care. Create Your Own Practice

Every person has one or more trigger words that when spoken aloud activate fight/flight with intense anxiety or freeze with numbness and helplessness. What’s yours? Death? Cancer? Bankruptcy? Homelessness? Betrayal? Divorce? Rejection? Criticism? When you hear your trigger word you can stop the cascade of negative thoughts (catastrophizing) which threaten to take you over the… Continue reading How to Deal Effectively with Your Trigger Words

Between the extremes of pure self-sacrifice to please others and utter selfishness (where you do nothing for others unless it directly serves your personal interests) there lies a healthy middle ground called reciprocity. For many of my clients a root cause of their unhappiness is a combination of fear of rejection, lack of boundaries, and… Continue reading Learn to Stop Giving Yourself Up to Gain Approval

When I was a teenager living in New Jersey I managed to get a paid summer job in the paleontology department of the American Museum of Natural History in NYC, a job I loved. Every work day I would take a bus from NJ to the George Washington Bridge Terminal and then take the subway… Continue reading Whatever You Do, Don’t Take the D Train