Category: Uncategorized

Some clients go through life blissfully unaware they are not using their precious time in ways that are wise, wholesome or fruitful until struck by a mid-life crisis such as a heart attack, a near-fatal car crash or a sudden episode of depression. Other clients are hyper-aware something must change, like those who grew up… Continue reading Why Scaffolding is Needed for Self-Development

A dynamic that is fairly common which causes unnecessary friction and distress in couples is where one partner becomes highly defensive and verbally counter-attacks the other simply because the other has expressed a preference, suggestion or request. When questioned in therapy why he snaps at his partner and reflecting on it, he might say “I… Continue reading Helping the Argumentative Couple with the Practice of Humility

Going inside is central to activities with the potential to increase presence, awareness, and emotional health, such as meditation and psychotherapy. Buddha spent many thousands of hours meditating to explore the inner workings of his own mind, find the causes of human suffering, and the ways to cure it. Freud, another pioneer, used free association,… Continue reading The Fear of Exploring One’s Inner World: Where it Comes From and How to Release It

Parents and teachers socialize children by using praise to recognize and reward instances where the child’s behavior is considered good, right or socially acceptable. When the child’s behavior is judged bad, wrong or socially inappropriate they will withhold praise and engage in some form of correction, criticism, scolding or punishment. All children want to feel… Continue reading Unlearning the Need for External Validation

Carl Rogers used unconditional positive regard (UPR) as a pillar of his psychotherapeutic approach. Rogers defined UPR as caring for the client as a separate person entitled to have his own feeling and experiences. For Rogers UPR was a way of non-judgmentally accepting and valuing the client as a human being without allowing the therapist’s… Continue reading A New Twist on Rogers’ Unconditional Positive Regard

Clients with chronic generalized anxiety have frequent episodes of fight/flight in which they experience nervousness; increased heart rate, blood pressure, perspiration, and muscle tension; dizziness; suppression of T cells with reduction of the immune response to infection; a shutdown of the digestive system that may manifest in stomach pain, nausea, and vomiting; and a shutdown… Continue reading A Breath Practice to Reduce Anxiety and Increase Calm

We live in a society that greatly values personal growth and development. Here are some examples. First, ever since Maslow coined the term self-actualization in 1943 there has been an ever-increasing surge of interest in it among therapists and clients. Second, virtually every time I counsel a client who is dissatisfied with and about to… Continue reading Unrecognized Growing Pains of the Evolving Self

Childhood is when we form our self-image, our coping mechanisms to survive within our family of origin, and what I call our prime directive which is the organizing purpose of our lives. Adler and other psychological theorists have asserted that middle children who are sandwiched between the responsible/authoritarian older child and the spoiled youngest child… Continue reading Why Some People Take on the Burdensome Thankless Role of Family Peacemaker

In Arthur Miller’s brilliant 1949 tragedy the traveling salesman Willy Loman works his heart out, stresses himself to the max, and becomes not just bone weary but disillusioned, hopeless, and suicidal. From my clinical experience I know that when you have a Willy Loman for a father it makes a huge impact to watch him… Continue reading Overcoming the Willy Loman Syndrome and Learning to Work Smarter Not Harder

Studies on men who batter their intimate female partners indicate they have higher rates of personality disorders, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and substance addiction than other men. One would think that these men are covered in red flag warnings to stay away, and yet in too many cases intelligent, highly educated females not only become their… Continue reading Why Do Some Intelligent, Highly Educated Women Keep Ending Up with Violent Battering Males?