Author: Harvey Hyman

How many times have you used or heard the expression self-sabatoge? It has a sinister ring to it. It seems to imply that you have deliberately, recklessly or impulsively done something to undermine yourself and so you are blameworthy. I think the word should be discarded because it embodies a fundamental misunderstanding. From my perspective… Continue reading What’s Wrong with the Term Self-Sabatoge?

Once you are in therapy for fears rooted in traumatic memories from childhood there are a number of tools to help you in the present moment when those fears are activated. I have a number of adult clients who were the target of verbal aggression by their parents or who witnessed frequent verbal aggression between… Continue reading How To Neutralize Present Fear from a Trauma Memory

To be authentic is to think, feel, and act as the person you were meant to be. A great deal of human suffering comes from the polarization we experience between our true Self and the persona we constructed to hide insecurity and shame, please others to avoid rejection, and the like. When you are being… Continue reading Why and How to Lead an Authentic Life

Many people with PTSD experience anxiety, insomnia, and irritability. Some 30-74% are prescribed benzodiazepines (BZDs) for these symptoms. Unfortunately, using BZDs to treat PTSD backfires. In 2015, psychiatrist Jeffrey Guina of Wright State University of Dayton, OH, and colleagues published an extensive meta-analysis on the effects of BZDs for the treatment of PTSD. What they… Continue reading IF YOU HAVE PTSD, STAY AWAY FROM BENZODIAZEPINES

When we are children some of us learn that we don’t belong and take it to heart so much it shapes our feelings, behaviors, and relationships for life. Having parents who are highly disengaged and neglectful emotionally is one way to learn this lesson. Having parents who overtly favor another sibling and tell you straight… Continue reading UNCOVERING AND LOVING THE ETERNAL STRANGER

Words are like knives. They can be used for positive purposes the way a sculptor uses them to create beautiful forms from wood or stone or the way the surgeon uses them to remove a cyst or tumor. They can also be used negatively by parents with intent to wound the spirit of their child.… Continue reading NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF WORDS TO HURT OR HEAL

Some parents will not tolerate displays of emotional neediness by their children. They respond by quashing even the slightest bit of complaining, unhappiness, fearfulness or crying. To do this they may resort to punishment, threats of punishment or buying the child off with the promise of a treat. Sometimes the parents may guilt trip the… Continue reading WHEN THE COST OF PEACE AT HOME IS TOO HIGH

As we enter middle age the burdens of the ageing, empty nest, loneliness, and financial strain can become overwhelming. Recently all of these problems have been aggravated by the Pandemic and skyrocketing inflation. This perfect storm has left quite a few middle-aged people feeling lonely, anxious, and financially challenged. This is especially true for women… Continue reading HOW TO REDUCE LONELINESS, ANXIETY, AND FINANCIAL STRAIN IN ONE FELL SWOOP

As a therapist I have observed how distorted self-concepts that people of older age swallow whole without critical evaluation act as a major cause of discouragement and depression. Here are just some of the inaccurate beliefs that older adults (those aged 60-80) with depression hold. If I haven’t discovered my purpose or passion by now… Continue reading HOW TO OVERCOME DEPRESSION IN OLDER AGE

Cultures across the globe define masculinity in their own ways with criteria for who is and isn’t manly. The emotional message to men is that they must measure up to those particular criteria or feel ashamed and less than. The physical criteria include height, weight, shape, appearance, facial hair, physique, and physical strength. The character… Continue reading THE MASCULINITY TRAP