Over 100 years ago Hungarian psychoanalyst Sándor Ferenczi coined the term introjection to refer to a process by which the child unconsciously internalizes his parents’ dominant thought structures, emotions, moods or ways of behaving toward others. Introjection is beneficial in that it facilitates attachment and survival. It allows for attunement between parent and child who mirror each other. For children, to be like one’s parents just enough to be acceptable to them avoids being cast out and dying. Although introjection raises the odds of survival it can come at the great cost of intense suffering in childhood and throughout adulthood. Through introjection, parents who are angry, narcissistic, invasive, unemotional, misanthropic, pessimistic, highly anxious, or deeply depressed burden their developing child by damaging their view of self, others, and world. For example, the child of an angry, critical father learns to keep a low-profile while being submissive, overly apologetic, and self-denigrating. This survival mechanism can become ingrained and repeated so often as to become strongly embedded in one’s brain wiring.
The Zen of Therapy by Mark Epstein, MD, gives the example of a patient born to two Holocaust survivors, both of them shattered, profoundly sad, and living with unspeakable horror and pain. He says the child unconsciously absorbed their pain, tried unsuccessfully to brighten their moods, and blamed himself for failing to do so. As an adult, he was never able to rid himself of their pain since he had taken it on as his own. The problem with introjection is that it’s done uncritically without questioning or thoughtful, independent analysis. The child is simply not cognitively sophisticated enough to do this. I see the psychic marks and old scars of introjection in all of my clients seeking trauma healing as adults. Getting the adult client to see and understand the introjection process is the first step. Therapy approaches like Socratic questioning, psychoeducation, mindfulness, ACT, self-compassion, and motivational interviewing, can help adults progressively separate out their self-image from their parents’ personalities, moods, and lifestyles, and undertake healthy, self-differentiation.
