Neuroscience teaches that each person’s brain generates an “I” and a “me.” The I is the sense of myself as a physical being existing continuously in time and space. It includes sensory, muscular, kinesthetic, and proprioceptive perceptions. The “me” is the narrative we construct about ourselves that references past events, past interactions with others, and past evaluations of what sort of person we are. When we say “I’m sitting in a chair” or “I’m walking my dog” we are clearly referring to ourselves as a physical being. When we say, “I had childhood trauma,” or “I’m shy, socially awkward, and fear rejection,” we are referencing the me, the mental collage of our self-narrative. It has been said, and properly so, that the history of one’s life is the history of one’s attentional focus. Evolution gave us a negativity bias to track threats to our survival and well-being so we could avoid them. When we focus on the negative in ourselves and others we live in a negative world. For some people it is a huge challenge to list one good thing about their day or to bring their strengths, virtues or accomplishments to mind. One useful tip to lessen negativity is summed by the advice “not every day is a good day, but every day has at least one good thing in it.” See if you can make it a practice to find one good thing in your days and write them down the way some people keep a daily gratitude journal. It will not only brighten each day, but on the really bad days when nothing is going well, just reading your log of good moments can help. Reminding yourself of your strengths, virtues, and accomplishments will make you feel better about the “me” part of you. How do you do this? One way is to go online and google strength finder or a similar phrase which will help you list your strengths. Another is to create a resume for yourself, one that you don’t send out but use to remind yourself that you have done some positive things with your life. Another is to ask people close to you what they like, admire or enjoy about you. Another is to imagine what the days of your family and workplace would be if you suddenly vanished and you were not there to enrich their lives. In these ways it becomes easier to persuade yourself that you have positive experiences, that you do matter, and that your existence is not nearly as bleak as it sometimes feels.
