Most of my adult clients who were emotionally neglected or abused in childhood tell me “I’m emotionally numb,” “I can’t feel my feelings,” “I have no words for my feelings,” “I am afraid of my feelings” or “I don’t know how to express my feelings.,” To me this is sad but not all surprising. Animals have no problem with emotional functioning. A mother dog knows instinctively how to cuddle, warm, and lick her puppies. A momma bear knows instinctively how to be fierce and aggressive in defense of her cubs when they are threatened. This is not at all the case with humans. Although we are born with the capacity to feel, express, and regulate our feelings, that capacity must be developed through parental modeling, instruction, and positive reinforcement. For the healthy, early development of emotional intelligence (EQ) there are multiple worst-case scenarios that will keep EQ low for life unless the person participates in therapy. One is having parents who suppress their own emotions and appear completely or largely disinterested in their childrens’ emotions. All of their communication resides on the cerebral level of thoughts and words. The children of such parents grow up believing their feelings don’t matter, there is no room for them, and nobody is interested in them. Another is having parents who become irritated, angry, and even violent when their children express emotions. Sometimes these emotion-squashing parents suffer from depression, mania, substance addiction or an overload of stress from working at jobs they dislike, long commutes, living paycheck to paycheck, physically taxing childcare/eldercare/house chores, chronic pain or other health problems, lack of education, discrimination, etc. Other times the parents have a decent level of education, income, and privilege, but they were raised by emotionally hypoactive parents or parents who squashed their efforts to share feelings. When I work with an adult client of this kind I employ trauma-informed therapy but don’t stop there. I recognize that these adult clients need to catch up on the emotional education and training they never received. I always recommend a wonderful book by Marc Brackett called Permission to Feel. This is not only an excellent source of information but a great conversation starter with clients. Working with these clients is emotionally rewarding because I see them change and experience relief, joy, and celebration from learning to connect with and share their own feelings.