Eastern influences from Buddhism are reshaping the goals and processes of therapy for many Americans. There is an ever-growing acceptance and integration of meditation and mindfulness. The hope is that these techniques will enable people to stay present, avoid regretting the past, and avoid fearing the future. For example, therapy clients who are anxious, angry or addicted, are now coming into therapy primed to seek release of negative emotions or cravings and learn to become relaxed. The two modalities taught to such clients are brief engagement in deep breathing and/or meditation. Both methods lead to increased emotional self-regulation, lower cortisol production, lower blood pressure, and an increased sense of ease and relaxation in the moment. The limitation of these methods is that they do not address or resolve the deeper source of anger, anxiety, depression, addiction, and so forth. Quieting a raging demon for a time is not the same as breaking and taming the demon permanently.
The hidden source beneath these distressing conditions is self-hatred accompanied by obsessive lambasting and criticism of the self. To heal self-hatred requires the daily practice of self-compassion and self-forgiveness. Suffering clients need to cultivate mental flexibility, which is the polar opposite of clinging rigidly to their negative self-image and the distorted belief they deserve to suffer because they are bad, evil, stupid or failures at life. Healing requires serious questioning of the belief that one isn’t worthy, doesn’t fit in anywhere, and doesn’t belong to any group. A client who fully grasps the falsity of this belief can move to believing, “I’m OK just as I am,” or “I am enough.” Only when therapist and client work together successfully to help the client get there will the client feel comfortable in his own skin. This endpoint of therapy is far more meaningful and useful than brief periods of relaxation to momentarily neutralize surges of anger, anxiety or cravings.
