As we enter middle age the burdens of the ageing, empty nest, loneliness, and financial strain can become overwhelming. Recently all of these problems have been aggravated by the Pandemic and skyrocketing inflation. This perfect storm has left quite a few middle-aged people feeling lonely, anxious, and financially challenged. This is especially true for women and men who are divorced or have lost their spouse to early death. Apart from seeing a psychotherapist what can a person do in this situation?
Remarkably there is a practical solution that can really help which is finding someone else with whom to share housing. Being a we instead of a me reduces the daily costs of food, rent, and utilities. It also creates an opportunity for community, mutual support, and even friendship. The old social mandate that being widowed or divorced must end in being alone or re-marrying is losing its hold as new forms of “family” emerge. These new families are not based on ties of blood, marriage or romantic love. They are based on shared practical needs.
As a therapist I frequently hear from my widowed and divorced middle aged clients how lonely and worried about money they are. Traditionally I have augmented therapy with suggestions to these clients to join a support group, a congregation for worship, a meditation center or a club that pursues their key interest or hobby. More recently I have begun to suggest some form of shared housing. Spareroom.com, Roomster and Apartments.com are examples of websites where one can search for an appropriate roommate. If you find yourself in this situation why not give this solution a chance?
