As a therapist I have observed how distorted self-concepts that people of older age swallow whole without critical evaluation act as a major cause of discouragement and depression. Here are just some of the inaccurate beliefs that older adults (those aged 60-80) with depression hold.
If I haven’t discovered my purpose or passion by now it’s too late.
The fact that I am weaker, slower, and less energetic than I was in middle age is a sign of irreversible decline and decrepitude. My gray hair reveals that my youth and vitality are gone for good.
The fact that I can’t recall information about people, places, and events as quickly as I used to and can’t recall some of that information at all is a sign of significant cognitive decline and possibly the beginning of Alzheimer’s disease.
As an older person who is not wealthy or possessed of impressive skills I can pass along, I am useless and have nothing of value to contribute to others.
If I have not made enough money in my life to retire to a life of leisure, then I am a failure.
Having lost hair, teeth, height, and muscle mass, and having visible wrinkles in my skin, I am unattractive and ugly.
Nobody needs me around anymore. They just tolerate me so as not to hurt my feelings.
These inaccurate beliefs filter down to us through culture, advertising, social media, movies, and TV. If an older person believes even one of these self-limiting falsehoods it’s easy to see how she would become depressed. Let’s find counterevidence to debunk each myth of aging.
As for passion and purpose belonging exclusively to the young, how about Grandma Moses, Mother Teresa, artist Mary Delaney, actress Judi Dench, businessman Colonel Harland Sanders, and authors Miguel de Cervantes, Daniel Defoe, Laura Ingalls Wild, and Frank McCourt.
Human memory across the lifespan is a process of growth and loss. Although people of older age can experience slow, progressive memory loss (as opposed the sudden, rapid loss seen in Alzheimer’s) memory loss is often due to controllable, reversible factors such as over-consumption of dehydrating substances like alcohol and caffeine, not drinking enough water, not exercising to stimulate blood flow, obesity, diabetes, and the use of prescription and non-prescription drugs. And, even if some loss of memory capacity is inevitable in older age, guess what? You can look things up on Google or Wikipedia, you can ask someone or make the decision that what you forgot isn’t worth remembering.
Neither wealth nor impressive skills are required to be useful. Older people are possessed of long life, lots of experience, and wisdom honed from successes and failures. They can serve as mentors, advisors, and encouragers of younger people. While writing this article I happened to chat with very cheerful older man who turned out to be a 90. When I asked him how he remained so cheerful he said, “let go of your grudges and regrets, just let them go. I walk my dog every day. I also have pleasures to enjoy. I have one beer and a bowl of ice cream every day.”
Making enough money to retire completely to a life of leisure lies outside the grasp of most people in the intensely capitalistic, inequitable economy of America where a handful of wealthy people fully understand exert great influence on the markets and regulations that affect real property acquisition, stocks, inheritance laws, taxes, tax shelters, etc. How much does a person really need to be happy? A plethora of studies show that it’s not that much, and that attitude along with being part of a loving family or close-knit community counts much more than money when it comes to happiness.
The effects of age on human appearance can be fought with cosmetics, cosmetic surgery, crazy amounts of physical training, special diets, supplements, etc., but time always wins. If your motivation to fight changes in appearance due to ageing is the belief only a beautiful, youngish appearance makes you special, then I feel sorry for you. People with plain faces covered in wrinkles can bring empathy, compassion, and kindness to the lives of others and bring warmth to a world threatened with creeping darkness. Be a friend rather than fret over wrinkles.
Lastly, the idea that older people are unwanted, don’t belong, and are lucky if they are tolerated is the biggest myth of all. The most important and valuable person in my life was my grandma who lived until age 99 and a half. She was 67 when I was born and she provided me with unconditional love as I moved through my infancy, childhood, and adolescence. I have always remembered, with the greatest fondness, Grandma’s smiling face, her voice, her unique expressions and gestures, her lung-crushing hugs, her vegetable garden, her straw hat, and her apple pies and jam cookies When these images pop into my head I experience a sensation of melting warmth and the feeling that the world is good.
