When people grow dissatisfied or disillusioned, they often experience a strong urge to disengage and move on from a job, a place, a marriage or other form of anchorage in life. Some people are able to inhibit this urge until they have the time and resources to plan for change. Others can’t. They assume that the mere act of leaving will make their lives better but it rarely, if ever, does. Our brains are built to need structures, relationships, procedures, and boundaries for us to feel and function well. Above all we need a clearly defined purpose. In life this translates into having just one or a very small number of baskets in which to pour your time, energy, effort, creativity, and aspirations. The old saying “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” is meant to discourage people from investing all their resources into one thing. I have never met anyone who did this. I think most of us have multiple baskets, some of which are far more important than others. As far as the really important ones go (marriage, job, home) the saying should be “don’t throw your baskets away willy nilly.” When I have a client who has had it, I do my best to help him/her slow things down, figure out what’s missing, investigate how and under what circumstances they can meet their needs, and plan for making a change in a practical, sensible way rather than just jump off the deep end. Doing it this way fully engages the client in the change process and gives him/her agency and control. That’s a far better way to go than drowning one’s sorrows in alcohol or drugs or hiding out while playing video games.
