Category: Uncategorized

Let’s start by distinguishing compassion from empathy in the context of a helping professional relationship. Compassion is a state of having care and concern for another, listening with presence and receptivity to their story of suffering, understanding and validating their suffering, and using words/gestures of comfort to convey a wish or hope that they begin… Continue reading THE VALUE OF MODULATING EMPATHY FOR THERAPISTS AND COACHES

Living day to day with major depression is like being in a dark room with the windows shut and the shades drawn. There is no light. Eventually you experience feelings of helplessness and hopelessness and can no longer imagine changing the situation. This loss of control comes with forgetting that you were the one who… Continue reading HOW TO LET LIGHT INTO YOUR DEPRESSION

Most of my adult clients who were emotionally neglected or abused in childhood tell me “I’m emotionally numb,” “I can’t feel my feelings,” “I have no words for my feelings,” “I am afraid of my feelings” or “I don’t know how to express my feelings.,” To me this is sad but not all surprising. Animals… Continue reading THE NECESSITY OF EMOTIONAL LEARNING AND SKILL BUILDING IN HUMANS

We, as humans, just want to love and be loved. We do this by trying to connect in the ways we know how, which could be through people-pleasing, compliments, gifts, kindnesses, appreciations, acts of service, etc. But no matter how hard we try, no matter how thoughtful our efforts, sometimes we get no feeling of… Continue reading ACCEPTING THE BITTERSWEET QUALITY OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS

You don’t need to suffer from social anxiety to feel intimidated and out-of-place at social gatherings of colleagues. I have more than a few clients who dread networking events because they perceive others to be so much more established, knowledgeable, and self-assured. In their own minds they don’t match up and feel badly outclassed. This… Continue reading We’re All Just People

When people fall in love they typically share a vision of how much joy they will have living as an exclusive couple and how each will support the other in building his/her dreams of career and family. As the years go by it is common to see couples drift apart and lose the freshness and… Continue reading Discerning and Reversing Suffocating Inertia in Relationships

Having served clients with ongoing difficulty and dissatisfaction in their marriage or long-term partnership I have noticed a common denominator in how they communicate and it’s based on fear. There are certain specific fears that block spouses/partners from directly and honestly speaking up about their feelings, desires, unmet needs, hurts, and resentments. These fears include… Continue reading Radical Honesty in Marriages and Partnerships

When working with therapy clients I often find that a major source of their distress is feeling disconnected from, misunderstood by, and not sufficiently acknowledged and thanked by others for their contributions. The irony is that these same clients express a plethora of negative judgments about the people they want more recognition, care, and love… Continue reading The Benefits of Shadow Work

Neuroscience teaches that each person’s brain generates an “I” and a “me.” The I is the sense of myself as a physical being existing continuously in time and space. It includes sensory, muscular, kinesthetic, and proprioceptive perceptions. The “me” is the narrative we construct about ourselves that references past events, past interactions with others, and… Continue reading Tips for Daily Mindfulness That Soften the Negativity Bias

Vast numbers of individuals seek their happiness from receiving recognition and approval within their family and/or their workplace. Each of these represents a kind of microcosmic cocoon in relation to larger units of population including the neighborhood, the community, and society. Adler pointed out long ago the strategy of seeking happiness from recognition and approval… Continue reading Framing Your Interpersonal Microcosm and Macrocosm