In Arthur Miller’s brilliant 1949 tragedy the traveling salesman Willy Loman works his heart out, stresses himself to the max, and becomes not just bone weary but disillusioned, hopeless, and suicidal. From my clinical experience I know that when you have a...
Studies on men who batter their intimate female partners indicate they have higher rates of personality disorders, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and substance addiction than other men. One would think that these men are covered in red flag warnings to stay away, and yet...
Locus is on old Latin word meaning to put or place. Every human being consciously or unconsciously places control over her life inside or outside of herself. A person who perceives she is in charge of her life has an internal locus of control (ILOC). She uses goals,...
It is remarkable how much anxious clients can benefit from learning about some basic Buddhist dichotomies, especially those of being/doing and striving/acceptance. To be means enjoying existence without having to become a certain person, do certain things or own...
Depression, especially, and to a lesser extent anxiety, are driven by a part of the human emotional system called the inner critic in the therapeutic approach called Internal Family Systems. In some ways the inner critic resembles what Freud called the superego that...
When people grow dissatisfied or disillusioned, they often experience a strong urge to disengage and move on from a job, a place, a marriage or other form of anchorage in life. Some people are able to inhibit this urge until they have the time and resources to plan...
The persona is the fictional as opposed to the authentic Self. It is the tapestry of traits, qualities, values, beliefs, preferences, aversions, and behavioral habits we unconsciously cobble together during childhood and adolescence. The criteria for what goes in and...
Perfectionism represents a command in the brain to do the impossible which is to consistently work as hard as a human being can without rest or self-care and to create a service or product that all agree has no detectible lacks, flaws or defects. What are the roots of...
These days in my private practice I am seeing a growing number of divorced or divorcing spouses fleeing a marriage to someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). The seduction that hooks the victim, the pattern of emotional abuse during the marriage, and the...
Family members, relatives and friends of a person who marries a proverbial “loser” and stays with that person no matter how much abuse, frustration, sadness, and suffering he/she dishes out, shake their heads in utter disbelief. I have worked with a number...
