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Having served clients with ongoing difficulty and dissatisfaction in their marriage or long-term partnership I have noticed a common denominator in how they communicate and it’s based on fear. There are certain specific fears that block spouses/partners from directly and honestly speaking up about their feelings, desires, unmet needs, hurts, and resentments. These fears include… Continue reading Radical Honesty in Marriages and Partnerships

When working with therapy clients I often find that a major source of their distress is feeling disconnected from, misunderstood by, and not sufficiently acknowledged and thanked by others for their contributions. The irony is that these same clients express a plethora of negative judgments about the people they want more recognition, care, and love… Continue reading The Benefits of Shadow Work

Neuroscience teaches that each person’s brain generates an “I” and a “me.” The I is the sense of myself as a physical being existing continuously in time and space. It includes sensory, muscular, kinesthetic, and proprioceptive perceptions. The “me” is the narrative we construct about ourselves that references past events, past interactions with others, and… Continue reading Tips for Daily Mindfulness That Soften the Negativity Bias

Vast numbers of individuals seek their happiness from receiving recognition and approval within their family and/or their workplace. Each of these represents a kind of microcosmic cocoon in relation to larger units of population including the neighborhood, the community, and society. Adler pointed out long ago the strategy of seeking happiness from recognition and approval… Continue reading Framing Your Interpersonal Microcosm and Macrocosm

Let’s travel back to the 5th century BCE to ancient Greece. The cultural ideal for a man was to be fit, athletic, handsome, well educated, and scholarly. How would that make you feel if you were a short pudgy man with a huge nose and homely face who looked silly in a toga and who… Continue reading How Cultural Ideals Can Stimulate Self-Contempt

Alfred Adler (1870-1937) was a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and founder of the school of individual psychology. Although he was originally a member of Freud’s inner circle he broke with Freud over unbridgeable differences in theory. One of Adler’s most important ideas was that we create and perpetuate our own misery without knowing how or why. The… Continue reading Alfred Adler’s Way Out of Chronic Misery

Some children have their career chosen by their parents who groom them for it, fully expect them to go into it, and would express shock, grave disappointment, and anger should their child reject it. Well known examples are military officers, doctors, dentists, lawyers, accountants, human resource managers, librarians, small business owners, plumbers, electricians, auto mechanics,… Continue reading The Pre-Set Life vs. The Uncertain Path

Friday Kahlo faced a host of traumas in her life. She had polio as a child. When she was 18 Frida was engaged in pre-med studies and expecting to be a medical doctor. That year, on her way home in a commuter bus, the bus was hit by a trolley car going full speed. Frida… Continue reading What Frida Kahlo Has to Teach Us

During prehistory humans lived in a relatively quiet world free of frequent assaults by noise. Think of a place that was peaceful and punctuated only from noises like the rustling of the wind, babbling brooks, the ocean surf, the growls and cries of animals, thunder, rain, waterfalls, rockfalls, avalanches, and volcanic eruptions. Let’s move to… Continue reading Managing Chronic Stress from Environmental Noise

Insomnia is defined as difficulty getting to sleep, staying asleep or waking up too early with inability to get back to sleep resulting in poor quality, non-refreshing sleep with day-time fatigue. While insomnia can have many causes (including substance abuse, medication side effects, environmental noise, shiftwork, obstructive apnea, and chronic pain), many cases of insomnia… Continue reading How to Manage Insomnia Associated with Depression, Anxiety, Nightmares, and Stress