Most romantic partners experience moments of joy when things go right and moments of disappointment, frustration, and anger when they don’t. Some clients who seek my help with regard to their relationship say they love their partner and don’t want to...
Eastern influences from Buddhism are reshaping the goals and processes of therapy for many Americans. There is an ever-growing acceptance and integration of meditation and mindfulness. The hope is that these techniques will enable people to stay present, avoid...
Over 100 years ago Hungarian psychoanalyst Sándor Ferenczi coined the term introjection to refer to a process by which the child unconsciously internalizes his parents’ dominant thought structures, emotions, moods or ways of behaving toward others. Introjection...
Every interpersonal encounter with your spouse or partner is an opportunity to be present, open, non-judgmental, and vulnerable or not. Ask yourself how frequently during these encounters you are dissociated, ruminating about something, focusing on yourself, recalling...
Who is a true friend worth keeping and who is not? Ask yourself if your “friend” provides an abundant flow of love and never or rarely hurts your feelings. Is this person always or mostly available for you, present with you, trustworthy, and loyal? If the answer is...
Yesterday a client asked me tearfully, “What’s going on in this world with the lack of kindness? I do my best to be kind to everyone I meet, but more often than not I encounter selfishness, indifference or cruelty.” I told my client that, “So...
What do Malcolm Gladwell and Will Ferrell have in common? They are both promoters of diversity. In his new book Revenge of the Tipping Point, Gladwell argues that diversity keeps us safe from fascism while conformity promotes it. He appreciates how a monoculture...
Having done a fair amount of couples counseling I’ve noticed that many couples keep score and react emotionally to being ahead or behind. The score can relate to positive contributions such as grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, folding laundry, watching the...
A client of mine just went on vacation to Hawaii. She reported tremendous enjoyment from floating in the ocean. She also noticed feeling disconnected from the world around her. I assured her this was a good thing to happen in the context of a vacation. I wondered if...
I have a client whose parents were hypercritical, rude, insulting, and discouraging toward him as he grew up. Both parents were unhappy, angry substance addicts. Understandably, this client developed a highly negative self-image. He saw himself as a weird guy who...
