When we are children some of us learn that we don’t belong and take it to heart so much it shapes our feelings, behaviors, and relationships for life. Having parents who are highly disengaged and neglectful emotionally is one way to learn this lesson. Having parents...
Words are like knives. They can be used for positive purposes the way a sculptor uses them to create beautiful forms from wood or stone or the way the surgeon uses them to remove a cyst or tumor. They can also be used negatively by parents with intent to wound the...
Some parents will not tolerate displays of emotional neediness by their children. They respond by quashing even the slightest bit of complaining, unhappiness, fearfulness or crying. To do this they may resort to punishment, threats of punishment or buying the child...
As we enter middle age the burdens of the ageing, empty nest, loneliness, and financial strain can become overwhelming. Recently all of these problems have been aggravated by the Pandemic and skyrocketing inflation. This perfect storm has left quite a few middle-aged...
As a therapist I have observed how distorted self-concepts that people of older age swallow whole without critical evaluation act as a major cause of discouragement and depression. Here are just some of the inaccurate beliefs that older adults (those aged 60-80) with...
Cultures across the globe define masculinity in their own ways with criteria for who is and isn’t manly. The emotional message to men is that they must measure up to those particular criteria or feel ashamed and less than. The physical criteria include height, weight,...
I am a trauma therapist and I am frequently asked by clients “how come I can’t let go of someone my rational mind tells me is bad for me?” When I question these clients I find that 99% of the time they had a parent who loved them inconsistently...
A microaggression is a statement or action, whether intentional or the result of unconscious bias, which signifies that someone is less worthy, less intelligent, less capable, less deserving of belonging or less something on account of her status. The status would be...
Frequent parental validation of one’s value and lovability as a person is essential to secure attachment and the feeling of safety. Frequent parental validation of one’s positive qualities (like kindness, generosity, concern for others, curiosity, and creativity) is...
A substantial number of my clients find partners who take command and use their power in the relationship to make my clients feel small by ordering them around, criticizing them, belittling them, and acting as mind readers by saying things like “you needn’t speak...
