Animal behavior is shaped mainly by evolution, genetics, and instincts. What’s left is simple. Mama tiger teaches her cubs what to eat, what not to eat, how to hunt, what predators to avoid, and how to avoid them. That’s about it. Humans need to learn...
Someone who lives by himself and for himself with no thought of others is like a garden slug oozing along in search of greens to nibble on so it can survive another day. Humans have an instinctive need to survive, but unlike garden slugs we are also wired to socialize...
Emotional whiplash arises from being in a relationship with a partner who engages in a chaotic attachment style; rapid mood shifts; and frequent, confusing flip-flops in perspectives, attitudes, priorities, and decisions. Often, but not always, the erratic partner...
Most romantic partners experience moments of joy when things go right and moments of disappointment, frustration, and anger when they don’t. Some clients who seek my help with regard to their relationship say they love their partner and don’t want to...
Eastern influences from Buddhism are reshaping the goals and processes of therapy for many Americans. There is an ever-growing acceptance and integration of meditation and mindfulness. The hope is that these techniques will enable people to stay present, avoid...
Over 100 years ago Hungarian psychoanalyst Sándor Ferenczi coined the term introjection to refer to a process by which the child unconsciously internalizes his parents’ dominant thought structures, emotions, moods or ways of behaving toward others. Introjection...
Every interpersonal encounter with your spouse or partner is an opportunity to be present, open, non-judgmental, and vulnerable or not. Ask yourself how frequently during these encounters you are dissociated, ruminating about something, focusing on yourself, recalling...
Who is a true friend worth keeping and who is not? Ask yourself if your “friend” provides an abundant flow of love and never or rarely hurts your feelings. Is this person always or mostly available for you, present with you, trustworthy, and loyal? If the answer is...
Yesterday a client asked me tearfully, “What’s going on in this world with the lack of kindness? I do my best to be kind to everyone I meet, but more often than not I encounter selfishness, indifference or cruelty.” I told my client that, “So...
What do Malcolm Gladwell and Will Ferrell have in common? They are both promoters of diversity. In his new book Revenge of the Tipping Point, Gladwell argues that diversity keeps us safe from fascism while conformity promotes it. He appreciates how a monoculture...
