Author: Harvey Hyman

The persona is the fictional as opposed to the authentic Self. It is the tapestry of traits, qualities, values, beliefs, preferences, aversions, and behavioral habits we unconsciously cobble together during childhood and adolescence. The criteria for what goes in and what stays out of the persona have to do with meeting basic needs (especially safety,… Continue reading The Persona As a Brain Module We Confuse with Self

Perfectionism represents a command in the brain to do the impossible which is to consistently work as hard as a human being can without rest or self-care and to create a service or product that all agree has no detectible lacks, flaws or defects. What are the roots of perfectionism? They lie in how parents… Continue reading Perfectionism – The Roots, The Harms, and The Release

These days in my private practice I am seeing a growing number of divorced or divorcing spouses fleeing a marriage to someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). The seduction that hooks the victim, the pattern of emotional abuse during the marriage, and the frightful psychological harms of the abuse are remarkably similar in each case.… Continue reading How Much Psychological Wreckage does Narcissistic Emotional Abuse Actually Cause?

Family members, relatives and friends of a person who marries a proverbial “loser” and stays with that person no matter how much abuse, frustration, sadness, and suffering he/she dishes out, shake their heads in utter disbelief. I have worked with a number of lovely, highly intelligent people who fall, sometimes more than once, into the… Continue reading Beware of Making a Damaged Person Your Project

Anxiety can have many different causes including childhood trauma, abuse in adulthood (from a spouse or partner), stress at work, financial stress, near-accidents, injurious accidents, being a crime victim, etc. Once the fight-flight sensations of anxiety begin, from whatever cause, they can become generalized to many situations that seemingly have nothing to do with the… Continue reading Anxiety and the Unpredictability of Crowds

Psychotherapy is still alive and well, but increasingly we have moved to a biological paradigm of depression in which sufferers are encouraged to try antidepressants, mood stabilizers, nutritional therapy with whole foods and supplements, Ketamine infusions, and Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. Many psychotherapies used for clients with severe depression are highly structured one-size fits all approaches.… Continue reading An Existential Therapy for Depression That Might Help You

In 1842 Senator Henry Clay coined the term “self-made man” to refer to people who improved themselves and their material circumstances by means of education and hard work. To be self-made meant nobody handed you your success on a silver platter. It meant you deserved it by virtue of your own blood, sweat, and tears.… Continue reading Is George Santos an Outlier or a Harbinger of What it is to be Self-Made in our Society?

In the wonderful sci fi TV show Stark Trek, Star Fleet had a prime directive (PD) binding on Cpt. Kirk, his crew, and everyone else. In the show the PD was never interfere with the natural development of an alien civilization, something Kirk was tempted to do time after time. As a therapist I have discovered… Continue reading Discerning and Dealing with Your Prime Directive

Meaningful social communication between trusted family members, friends, and colleagues involves honest, open emotional sharing. Just as primates bond by physical touch, humans bond by touching each other emotionally. If we were to view emotional sharing on a continuum, one extreme would be locked-in syndrome in which a person is conscious but cannot speak, and… Continue reading Finding the Sweet Spot in Emotional Communication

I have been exposed to New Age coaches who preach that listing at least 5 things you are grateful for at a regular time every day will make you a happier, kinder, and more optimistic person. I have tried gratitude lists and each time I found that before the first week was up I was… Continue reading A Personal Take on the Value of Real Gratitude from a Psychotherapist