Author: Harvey Hyman

A client of mine just went on vacation to Hawaii. She reported tremendous enjoyment from floating in the ocean. She also noticed feeling disconnected from the world around her. I assured her this was a good thing to happen in the context of a vacation. I wondered if this came from unplugging from the noise,… Continue reading THE VASTLY UNDERSTATED EFFECTS OF NOISE IN OUR LIVES

I have a client whose parents were hypercritical, rude, insulting, and discouraging toward him as he grew up. Both parents were unhappy, angry substance addicts. Understandably, this client developed a highly negative self-image. He saw himself as a weird guy who would never fit in or find success in relationships. Consequently, he isolated himself socially… Continue reading Weakening a Negative Self-Image with the Fable of the Gray Rock

There is no greater journey in life than discovering and creating oneself in tandem without the influence of people who think they know who you are and use their influence to make you fit their definition.

An anxious attachment style is when a person has experienced sufficient painful rejections to lack trust that friendships/romances will last and fears rejection to the point where it’s hard for her to fully commit to a relationship. Such a person is hypervigilant for signs of impending rejection. The avoidant style exists when a person who… Continue reading TRAINING YOURSELF TO HAVE A MORE SECURE AND LESS AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE

Before I say anything critical of the slew of self-improvement books one can find at bookstores or on Amazon.com let me acknowledge that in my early 20s, I was a voracious consumer of them who could never get enough. I markedly decreased my reliance of them once I began therapy with a professional because I… Continue reading THE DARK SIDE OF SELF-IMPROVEMENT BOOKS

When a person gets the message from parents that she is not enough many difficulties arise in adulthood, including fear, anxiety, shame, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. A person who feels she is not good enough will hide her true self, seek to discern what others want or expect from her, and act in ways to gain… Continue reading WHY “FEELING ONE IS GOOD ENOUGH” IS SO IMPORTANT

ADHD is a serious condition that impairs daily functioning with regard to attention, focus, short-term memory, organization, motivation, task completion, impulsivity, emotional sensitivity, defensiveness, irritability/anger, and relationship skills. It should be treated with medication and psychotherapy or coaching. The best known and one of the most widely used drugs to treat ADHD is the stimulant… Continue reading ADHD: GOT GUANFACINE?

I have had two client cases recently in which a lifetime coping mechanism was rooted in how a child used his/her room to survive parental chaos. In one case a boy had an alcoholic father who would be angry, violent, and verbally abusive to his son. To stay out of father’s way and find some… Continue reading HOW CHILDREN SURVIVE PARENTAL CHAOS IN THEIR OWN ROOM

When depression strikes so does the inner urge to lay in bed, sleep through the day, call in sick for work, avoid people, and avoid normal activities that have provided you in the past with interest, pleasure, meaning, and social connection. Giving into this urge is the factor most responsible for perpetuating depression. Mental health… Continue reading WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE DEPRESSED

Imagine two different marriages. In the first, the couple has a whole plate they handle with care. This couple communicates, cooperates, and compromises well. They show attention, care, reasonableness, and flexibility in their interactions. Each of them perceives that their feelings are respected, understood, validated, and empathized with. Each of them strives to meet the… Continue reading Marital Conflict: A Tale of Two Plates