Alfred Adler (1870-1937) was a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and founder of the school of individual psychology. Although he was originally a member of Freud’s inner circle he broke with Freud over unbridgeable differences in theory. One of Adler’s most important ideas was that we create and perpetuate our own misery without knowing how or why. The how has to do with focusing only on one’s shortcomings, mistaking one’s perceived defects for unchangeable facts, and blinding oneself to one’s strengths. The why is that we use our perceived defects to excuse ourselves from ever risking the pitfalls of happiness. When you become vulnerable enough to apply to a university, write a thesis, start a business, ask someone out on a date or propose marriage (to name but a few) you could succeed and find great happiness, find that what you so wanted was not worth it or, still worse, you could suffer rejection or failure. The very same people who makes themselves miserable are the same people who complain constantly about what’s wrong with them and why they lack what it takes to succeed. The excuses take them out of life to the lonely margins and outskirts of life where there are no opportunities for true engagement, meaning, and satisfaction. Adler taught that the way out is to adopt goals that are realistic attainable, and self-reinforcing, i.e. goals that provide satisfaction and increase self-confidence as they are being achieved. As a person uses her strengths to achieve a goal. she becomes more able to see what’s right with them rather than continuing to focus on what’s wrong with her.
