It is remarkable how much anxious clients can benefit from learning about some basic Buddhist dichotomies, especially those of being/doing and striving/acceptance. To be means enjoying existence without having to become a certain person, do certain things or own certain things. There is a freedom and lightness in pure being. Beingness is not the same as laziness or passivity. Beingness is all about pausing from work or chores every so often during the day to be present to what is wonderful – whether that is the trees, birds, sky, clouds, and sun; the feel of sand in your toes at the beach; or smells, like the smell of Spring or the smell of the hot dog vendor’s cart near Central Park. Striving means clinging to a specific goal which if not accomplished generates frustration, signals failure, and ruins one’s peace of mind. Striving is associated with gaining position, prestige, and influence. I see quite a few clients who keep asking themselves if they have met culturally mandated goals of good job, money in the bank, being married, buying a home, and having children at the time they perceive as the floor of what is acceptable. The opposite of striving is acceptance. Acceptance goes with gratitude – I may not have everything I want but it’s OK because there is much that is good in my life. Other clients of mine have rejected some of these culturally mandated goals and found a combination of freedom and enjoyment. They can travel when and where they like, work on projects or take time off as they prefer, and not have to worry about spouses, houses, and children. While society may look down upon them as irresponsible and the equivalent of modern gypsies, such people raise questions about why so many of us suffer because a blueprint in our heads tells us we must achieve certain things by a certain time. After all we are not salmon compelled to swim upstream to lay eggs and die or octopus mothers compelled to tear themselves apart after laying eggs. Neuroscience has linked cognitive rigidity, decreased neuroplasticity, and depression. It has also linked cognitive flexibility, increased neuroplasticity, and happiness. Cognitive rigidity is the enemy of risk-taking, constructive change, and behavioral adaptation, whereas cognitive flexibility facilitates them. The Buddha was, in so many ways, ahead of his time. His teachings about being vs. doing and striving vs. acceptance are highly useful for our emotional health today as they were 2,500 years ago.
